A highly popularised confession site, NUSWhispers needs no introduction. Some use the platform to submit anonymous submissions, a dedicated few visit the site to pass along their own advice, and a small number of internet trolls work hard at entertaining us all.
Which confessions are trolls and which aren’t? Guess we will never know.
But while it’s easy to classify these seemingly frivolous confessions – typically submitted by University students in their twenties – as mindless gossip, digging deep may reveal otherwise. After going through the heaps of confessions posted daily on the site, here are three things NUS Whispers can actually tell you about our Singaporean youth, and perhaps the population at large.
1. Singaporeans love to compare.
Be it about examination results, monthly salaries or even where newlyweds secure their BTO flat, Singaporeans compare everything. Blame it on our “kiasu” (afraid to lose out/FOMO) mindset or rat-race culture, every milestone in every stage of our lives becomes an endless competition.
Confession #85226 on how her boyfriend is not as generous as her sister’s – TLDR, much upsets.
While some say that that’s just the price we have to pay to enjoy economic security, what effect does this have on the average Singaporean? Citing 2020 statistics, although Singapore is the fourth richest country in the world, it falls relatively far down the list – in the 31st place – on the Happiness Index. Although comparison tends to just be human nature, the catch is: in choosing to compare, we are actually choosing not to be happy.
According to the book “How To Be Happier” by Paul Jenner, comparison is one of the ten thought patterns that causes us unhappiness. While we would all unanimously agree that we want to be happy, when it comes to making daily choices to seek happiness, many people ironically choose the opposite in order to fulfil other desires like wealth or “success”.
Thankfully, the solution to happiness is surprisingly simple. If we want to be happy, then we need to prioritize being happy. This involves staying grateful and remembering that the grass is always greener on the other side. For example, if one were to get a new car but see that their neighbour has an even more expensive and luxurious car, one could try to change their thought pattern: that they are fortunate to even own a car while also being pleased for their neighbours. Although it may initially be difficult to ignore our natural instincts to compare, we need to retrain our brains to be “happy brains” and choose happiness above all else.
2. Singaporeans live fast-paced, material-focused lives.
Most Singaporeans just want to live the Singaporean dream – study hard to get a good job, work to earn money, then settle down to start a family. In the pursuit of this lifestyle, most of us find it rather easy to busy ourselves. We work hard to achieve material victories manifesting in promotions, higher income, or more worldly success. But we don’t often stop to evaluate what really matters to us.
Confession #93044 on whether he should pursue his Masters.
According to Habit Two of Stephen Covey’s book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, in order to live well, we need to begin with the end in mind. In deciding what guides us, we may look at what we choose to center our lives around.
Source: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
However, Covey states that none of these centers are optimal as they focus on others. As he theorized that the way we see the world is entirely based on our own perceptions, we should aim to be principle-centered as we focus on what we can control and our own beliefs.
Visualising our own funerals in detail, questioning who is present, what they are saying about how you lived your life and what you would want them to say – a little exercise like this can tell you a lot about what really matters to you. Then, you can start living by these priorities and include them in any important life decisions you make.
3. Singaporeans find it hard to find love, and keep it.
Finding love seems like an uphill task for many Singaporeans, and somehow – even harder to keep it. With the majority of the posts discussing pages upon pages of love woes, relationship problems are arguably one of the most significant problem that Singaporeans are facing.
Confession #81956 on the many struggles of finding a life partner.
Narrowing it down, these problems typically range from not being able to find a partner, to wondering if we should stay with our partners even if we are not content.
While it is true that relationships are tough, what is it that we can do to attract others and make a relationship successful? One thing all relationship experts will tell you is – a person’s relationship with others, mirrors their relationship with self. If a person’s relationship with the self is unhealthy, it is likely their relationship with others will also be unhealthy.
Source: Mission.org
Looking at some commonly faced issues like getting upset if our partners hang out with friends of the opposite gender, feeling like the relationship has gone stale or even wanting to date someone simply because they look good on paper (i.e. having a list of brag-worthy achievements), many of these issues actually hark back to our relationships with ourselves. Although things aren’t always straightforward, many a time we discover that if we are able to love ourselves first, we would more likely be able to deal with situations in a healthy way. Moving forward, we will probably be able to pick up on red flags sooner and steer clear of relationships that may not be favourable for our growth.
It is hard to admit that we need to work on ourselves first. But doing so is definitely the best route to finding success in love.
To an extent, most of us are probably guilty of at least one or two of these unhealthy Singaporean (or human) habits. While it is easy to blame it on culture or the nature of our fast-paced and competitive nation, it is important to be conscious of the effects of these tendencies on our well-being. After all, as much as our lives may be shaped by our own unique circumstances, at the end of the day, it comes down to us to decide how we wish to carve out our own destinies.
